Posts are in reverse order. New readers please start at the bottom.

A Month of Silence

Wrap Up

The experiment lasted a grand total of ten days. During that time I communicated entirely without words. I went through one 200 page notebook and half a thing of post it notes.

The first thing I said was "Ten days" as the clock rolled over, marking the exact time. I am very sad that this study had to end early. It did not feel right to speak at first and even now, whenever I am quiet, I am reminded that I should be completely silent. Speaking again caused my throat to feel sore in much the same way as it felt the first two days of not talking. It is a relief to speak again as it is no longer laborious to communicate. However I do also miss how I was getting along fine without it. The switch back was as easy as the switch foreward. One dissapointment that came from the quick end is habbits are traditionally formed over four weeks. I was unable to test habit making and breaking of communication during this particular experiment.

Thank you all for your support. I had a surprisingly large amout of positive feedback. I am very appreciative of all of your interest and support. This has encouraged me to try more studies like this one.

 

special update

It looks like this project has been killed prematurely. Due to a change in conditions beyond my control, I must begin a new job search tomorrow. Part of the reason I was able to tackle this project was the fact that I was getting along fine with the off and on work I had. This is no longer the case and companies dont hire fake mutes. The validity of this experiment is now compromised as I will be needing to speak regularly now. And thusly the experiment ends. I am truely sorry I did not get to see it to its completion. Some changes in life cannot be avoided.

I'm not sure when I will start speaking again. Probably tomorrow evening, right around the time I start getting job applications.

 

3.11.08

I have had a few people come up to me and tell me that they thought about trying what I am doing now. However, either they didn't think they could do it or stuff in their life did not permit them to (like having a job). I also learned of other people doing this experiment as well. I wonder what the fascination is? Part of it must be a 'look what I can do' approach if only for ourselves. Another part is probably the promise of introspective. Many people wish to look deeper into themselves but simply do not have the time to do so. True self analysis is a commitment. I am hindering my ability to communicate for a month for it. I would go longer if it were possible. Daily meditation takes time. We as people do not take time to understand ourselves. It may bring enlightenment but does not improve our chances of survival. This is true of all people in all time (excepting the few cultures that made it part of their way). Yes, self awareness is worth a lot to me. If I weren't so hooked on the drugs of wonderlust and adrenalin, I would become a monk.

My newfound skill of vocal reflex control came in handy today. I didn't laugh hysterically during class while reading xkcd rather than doing any work.

 

3.10.08

I met a new person today. She seems pretty interesting and wants some help making her hair as awesome as mine. And she has never heard me speak. I wonder if my voice offers unlimited potential from her point of view?

During rapid conversations between several people, I feel quite separated. Its really hard to get a word in because by the time i write it down, a new topic has appeared. Its as though I am watching a play. Everyone is aware of me but all I am able to do is react.

 

3.9.08

Damn you Smash Brothers Brawl. You make it so difficult not to yell taunts at my opponents. I can do relatively tame social gaming just fine but when it comes to you, I must get vicious. You have become my weakness. I admit that I communicated in ways I would consider improper for this experiment. Those being verbal expressions while not actually being words. Bah, a week into this and THEN it becomes hard.

 

3.8.08

Unexpected. Defined by the fact that I did not expect it. In this case, I was on the road and needed a quick lunch. I stopped at a McDonalds and wrote down my order. Little did I know that the cashier COULD NOT READ. She had to hand it to her manager so someone could read it. I was honestly taken aback. I was pretty sure we lived in a literate society. Now that faith is shaken. This unexpected snag has caused a new perspective into this month. I cannot communicate entirely using writing alone. Oh well.

A larger group of gaming was really not affected by my inability to speak. Other people were able to answer questions and fill in blanks. There was an interesting example of group awareness. With a small group of say three or four people, if one of the other people doesn't quite get the initial communication, it takes a long time to elaborate. However if there is a much larger group, say 18 or so, someone is bound to be thinking along the same lines and I can point to them to show their thought was correct. This relates to an interesting insight I had into the social consciousness. I am a member of an anonymous imageboard. During my time there I have come to the conclusion that due to the huge amount of people, if there is a possible reaction, it will occur. There is a limit where this occurs, which is constant = # of people x possible reactions. This assumes an even distribution of variety of people. Anyway, I am sure someone could pursue that topic farther but laying out the concept is good enough for me.

 

3.7.08

R.I.P. Gary Gygax. Your death occurred on the eve of a great undertaking of the ISU Physics Club. Fifteen members have rolled level one characters and will be subject to my dungeon this Saturday. Even though we never met, I will be thinking of you. And mute. Lets not forget mute. Tonight I am running a mini adventure at a 'nerd' party. Not only will it be drunken D&D, the DM will not be able to speak. I think it should be fun. Then tomorrow night shall be the big 10+ character adventure where I will be assistant DM. My plan right now is to keep track of initiative, monster hp, that kind of stuff. The guy running the show will definitely need someone to. My past experience and my dumbness put me firmly in the category of assistant GM for the night. How will I fare? Stay tuned. And if you are reading these in reverse order the way they are getting posted, ignore that last question.

I am also thinking of doing a rendition of 'Nate the mute's production of Ave Maria'. April 1st would be a good time for it. The weather would be warmer and it would be funny.

Microsoft sam is my friend.

3.6.08

Nothing big today. I did manage to avoid talking to a crazy guy on the bus though. I was really hoping that opportunity would arise at some point this month. I look forward to missing many more dull conversations.

Some of you may have noticed that I spend more time on this page connecting the dots rather than speaking in relevance. First, I commend you. Second, I apologize. It is easy to state the obvious in a manner that seems enlightened. True knowledge comes with time and consideration. My experience thus far has only been the transition period and only now am I truly settling into the long haul of this adventure. True insight will have to wait for itself to ferment properly.

In exchange for stating the content is crap, I offer you an interesting tidbit that brings a fun point of insight into my whole project. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qIYhbRiuVK0 Not safe for the innocent.

 

3.5.08

It was difficult not to speak today. Now that I am several days into the experiment, I seem to be forgetting that I am doing it at all at times. Mostly its when I have been distracted by something for a while that does not make me speak. I also have to resist inserting witty lines into conversation when they fly into my head. So far so good though.

Stupid questions have yet to abandon conversation with me entirely. I still get them but in a reduced amount. They seem to decrease linearly along with my amount of total conversation. On the bright side I have not said anything stupid myself in several days. On the whole I am beginning to think more before I communicate. It may be more of a thought about approach rather than content however.

A quirk from other people has developed is responding to me in the way I communicate to them. For some reason they feel compelled to either hand signal back or steal my notebook (and main means of communication) to write something down for me. Maybe they just connect deaf and mute in their minds? Maybe they find it awkward to have a conversation in two different mediums at once.

A question was raised about allowed forms of communication so I will attempt to clarify a bit more. I make reactionary noises like laughing and angry yells at stupid people on television. However I try very hard to keep those out of direct person to person conversation. Yes, people can use them to figure out how I am feeling about something but I will not use them as in conversation signals. Nor will I mouth the words so people can lip read. It just doesn't feel right if I were to do it. Its visual communication only for person to person. On that note, I feel I have become more emotive. My ability to clarify the kind of yes, no, or maybe through appearance alone has improved at least a little.

 

3.4.08

I am pretty sure my vocal chords are now atrophied. Before now I was confident that I could shout "Great Oden's Raven" without coughing up several organs in the process. Now I'm not so sure. Being able to laugh helps I guess. That way they don't go completely unused.

I am beginning to get some interesting reactions that I find worth noting. First, the people who are most surprised by this endeavor are acquaintances of mine. The most positive and negative responses I've received are from them. People I know better are used to this kind of thing from me apparently. And oddly enough, people who do not know me seem to have absolutely no interest thus far.

 

3.3.08

So I am having an interesting issue. I am muttering words under my breath. Its something I did before anyway. Now I notice it more. I'm also noticing all the noise I make more. Laughs, throat clears, boots on concrete. Its all becoming more present in my mind. Now that I'm aware of it, it shouldn't happen any longer, and to a larger part it is also feeling more inappropriate. I am now actively allowing myself to laugh.

Instead of speaking, I am now reflexively reaching for my notepad. Its linked in my mind as communication device. I tend to keep my laptop around and IM people in the same room. This is the only time I get real conversing done it seems. I switched surprisingly easy to another form of primary communication.

As I slowly grow more tired. I grow increasingly frustrated at my inability to communicate regularly. I question my motives about this whole project and greatly desire to talk. However I am constantly reassured by the thought of how awesome I am.

 

3.2.08

I am having a bit of trouble with wording. I am not disallowing myself to make any form of noise with my throat. Instead I am disallowing the ones that act as direct communication. Reactionary noises are certainly welcome. I am not going to stop myself from laughing. However the term vocalization poorly applies to this situation. Instead its a blanket term for all such noises. As far as I am aware, no appropriate term exists for the elements of voice that I am disallowing. There is a clear divide between any language and true communication. It falls somewhere in the realm of connotation. Words do not have true meaning, only perceived meanings. What I mean by 'to know' is probably quite different from how someone else decides to attach meaning to it. While language may guide how our minds develop, strict definition does not limit their conceptual ability. There are philosophers who claim that we are inherently alone due to this inability to truly communicate. I think they are pessimists. However, I have taken an interest in foreign language specifically to find new ways to approach language's relation to concept. I just happen to have started with an asian language that developed separately from the roots of my native language (it was Chinese btw). It is actually quite surprising to find how some very basic concepts differ and yet so much of the larger language-concept connection is the same. I suppose I should go more i depth into the English Chinese divide but I would first like to learn a few more languages for perspective. One of those being the romantic languages who specifically designed words for obscure and concise topics.

 

3/2/08 early morning

Well I'm silent now. I find myself struggling to insert myself into conversation when away from my computer. If I'm at a keyboard, I can just type what I'm thinking really fast. Otherwise, writing legibly takes time. I didn't get a notebook right away and instead found a large thing of post it notes. It was suggested I collect my conversations and put them all on a wall. I think I will take pictures of it and post them. I was taken aback by the things in my last post. I didn't expect the 'quasi disability' thing to rear its head so quickly. Here I was going to put off tackling the subject but apparently its coming to me first.

3/1/08

So I'm getting a bit worried by this whole thing. Okay anxious is a better word. Two interesting updates that came from today. First, I have been politely uninvited from two events already. One was dismissed with a 'you aren't still coming to that are you?'. Well logically I wouldn't as its a social event and socializing will be 'interesting'. But the immediate lack of effort to compensate... Well I can't blame someone for taking the simplest path. Even if its me that's not the simple part. Its human nature after all. The second thing I was uninvited from was a 'I hope you don't come down while you are doing that whole mute thing'. Then she said I could come down and talk but not tell anyone. Yeaaah. The second interesting thing came from a friend who did a day of silence. She said using her voice for a few days after that felt wrong. More on that in the follow up of this adventure I guess.

 

2/27/08

I have been thinking about how I will document this adventure over the coming month. I would really like to keep it all here. My friend Steve over at thinkmcfly.com offered me some space there but I would rather improve this site then switch to a blog site. My html skills are lacking at the moment so if anyone out there wants to help, I'd appreciate it.

So some things I am doing to gear up for this. I am emailing my teachers to tell them of this plan so they do not hinder my efforts. I am stocking up on small notepads I can keep on me at all time. That will be my main out and about communication. I am also in the process of making business cards that briefly explain the project for people who have no idea why I won't say anything to them. Other than that, there is mental preparation and dispelling the skeptics.

I need to learn how to add comments.

2/25/08

There are two things I have wanted to do in my life. The first one is to spend a period of time blind. The second is to spend another period of time mute. In the near future is an opportunity to fulfill one of these goals. Over the month of March, from March 1st at midnight to April 1st at midnight, I will attempt to not to communicate verbally. I will not be starting February 29th as I am going snowboarding on March 1st and greatly desire to yell my lungs out. The timing is good. I am not taking a language course and I have no class or job required vocalizations for the next month. This opportunity will not arise again for the next two years and attempting this after college seems like a less than likely experiment.

Instead of using verbal communication, I will use a variety of methods to get through the month. I will make extensive use of improvised sign language. I pondered the idea of learning real sign language but unfortunately most people do not know it. I will attempt to learn ASL sometime in the next year though due to it being a valuable skill. Beyond charades, I will carry a notebook and write down my conversation. This will allow me to act in relative normality despite not speaking. A large amount of my communication takes place online. That will be completely unaffected. The one glaring flaw in this is conversing by phone. I cannot answer phone calls. Instead I will have to rely on text messages (which sometimes are delayed by an hour or more). However, with people who do not posses cell phones, I will be unable to talk with readily.

This idea originated with a girl I knew in high school. She was blind and yet I talked online with her many times. She had a chat reader that somehow allowed her to use a computer quite effectively. I thought for a long time about how that would work and that spawned into a long mental discourse of sensory deprivation. It is said that loosing one sense makes the others more acute. I would like to use this method to train. If I cannot speak, I will be forced to learn other methods of expressing myself. Methods I can apply to future conversation. If I were unable to see, my surrounding awareness would rapidly improve.

It will be very interesting to see where I fit in conversation. I cannot very well participate in a rapidly changing casual conversation with ease. However an in depth conversation would be much more productive as both sides would be forced to devote more attention to it as well as being given more time to think. I will be able to, at ease, avoid all unnecessary conversation in life. This will give me a surplus of time to dedicate to developing my philosophy, read, speak with God, and pursue many goals I have not previously given myself time for (this website for example). Thus conversation with myself will be greatly enhanced. I plan on using this time to ponder silence, background noise, sound in general, the mute perspective, the weight of words, and my own habits involving communication.

I have five days left to speak. I will spend at least part of it informing those around me and much more considering what lies ahead. Hopefully this has explained my project fully. If you have any questions, comments, ideas, or cookies, get in touch with me. I would love to 'talk' about it.